"Warring Ideals in One Dark Body"

"It's not 'pink', warm, and dry, it's 'normal', warm, and dry. I think it would be a really good thing if you all would start to recognize the differences between us and not paint with a broad brush. Speak with precision. I'm pink. If she's pink, something is weird. There are a lot of people in here, and everyone in here is a little bit different."--Lead Instructor

And then I got a crush on teacher. Not a sexual/romantic crush. A professional crush.

Okay, this happens with me. Smart people accelerate my heart rate. I had just been talking about race in the context of health-care with wild_irises  the other day because she mentioned a journal where someone noted that pictures of cyanotic (blue) patients are always Caucasian.

I was pleased to see that in my text there are pictures of people with a variety of skin colors, and there are drawings of light and dark skinned cyanotic nail beds and lips. It always describes cyanosis as "blue/gray" and talks about looking at palms, feet, nail beds and mucus membranes. I'm really glad the medical field is getting to this page, because young EMTs, like anybody, are impressionable. You give 'em "pink, warm, and dry," and it'll be "pink, warm, and dry" until they die, like "flesh-colored bandages." Not only do I appreciate him bringing it up now, but it's smart. As far as I'm concerned, Lead Instructor owns.

I shook his hand after class and told him, "I've had a lot of med instructors--some of them Black--and nobody has ever mentioned skin color. Thank you so much. That was wicked awesome." He said that was from his Paramedic Instructor back in the day. He had already talked about the fact that 18,000+ same-sex marriages are legal in this state and regardless of what anyone thinks about that, if the spouse is a health-care proxy, then they have the full force of the law behind them. So no ideas about blowing off that partner when s/he asks for the status of their spouse. Now this. Ally McDreamy.

We won't even talk about when he said, "I'm thinking that some of you have a morbid streak--and there's nothing wrong with that. We're a weird breed. Most people run away from bullets--police run toward them. Most people run away from fire--firefighters run toward it. Most people get grossed out by blood and guts--we run toward it. We think it's cool, and get excited about it. It's only obsession that can be a problem, but most psychologists agree that a touch of interest with death or blood and parts is perfectly natural."

I'm waiting to meet my first acknowledged perv. That train is never late to EMS.

Wrapped up ethical and legal issues and flew through Anatomy and Physiology today. We also touched on airway management. Since I haven't had my second semester of A&P yet, I need to study up on the cardiopulmonary cycle. I get the basic idea. Air goes in and out and blood goes round and round--variations thereof are a problem. But I need to know it like I know muscle contractions.

Came home, slept five hours, had an aborted run due to nausea.

I guess I haven't been talking about the management of this so much.

I haven't been working so much as showing up to work and reading about EMS. Eleven chapters in the last four days. Lead Instructor, hereafter known as Ally McDreamy, says to scan the chapters more and focus on skills; the holes will get filled in the field. (Mmmm.) This is a relief because I have been treading water and barely able to keep up. I'm not alone. A lot of us are going to be reading tonight for tomorrow's class. Skills Day--airway management. Oral and nasal tubes. Sucking snot. Also, lifting and gurneys. And hopefully more time to practice listening to lung sounds and taking BP.

I've been missing the basics. Yesterday my urine was the color of orange sports drink. I am breaking out in hives. Okay, push fluids. We don't have class tonight (Friday) which is a good thing, because sleep is my first line of defense, and I am fraying a bit.

I fantasize about laundry. I would very much like to wash my EMT pants. There has been a stain on there from the other day's chicken torta that will not come out, and it looks a little bit like a cum stain. I also really need to go to the store and buy a cooked chicken and some spinach, because the cooking thing? It ain't happening. And I need a haircut.

It has been 8 days since my last cigarette. I have saved enough for two comic books, which I think I will put toward the Big Gay Cabaret Thing tonight unless I fall over. We'll see.

I'm getting a lot of positive feedback, and I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this. (I really wasn't expecting that--neat!) At this point, it's just as much for me so I can track priority lessons and equilibrium. If I get a free moment, I'll likely look into unlocking this series of posts and any possible ramifications--legal liability, whatever I might have signed to enroll, and if I'm jeopardizing my career. It's probably fine since there's nothing identifying in here, but it's a good time to practice being sure.