"Warring Ideals in One Dark Body"

Mother fuckers were scared, that's what it was. Me too.

26 student EMTs having anxiety attacks, yes. They don't make enough Valium for the amount of sympathetic nervous system activation in that room.

I had to jog a block to BART to make my train on time (with seconds to spare), That didn't go over so well on my foot.

"I will learn how to run with the big boys. I will learn how to sink and to swim."--Sinead O'Connor

Sarge: [Head tilt] "Are you OK, Aquenigmatic? Did you hurt yourself?" No, I'm pimpin'. Yes, I hurt myself. It was nice of her to ask. It's interesting she didn't spot it the other day. That's right, I lifted a gurney on my bloated, bruised, and possibly broken toe, Sarge, because I am a tough cookie, so help me figure out how to put on some muscle mass, OK? Because if I don't get some options, we may need an ambulance to my place of work because these mamma-jammas are gonna make me hurt 'em.

I hobbled in the room where they had us waiting. You can test whenever you want, however they would like it if you would kindly move your ass so they can go home. I wanted to do it early, but I hadn't finished my homework packet that was around the size of War and Peace. Since that was going to be the extent of my review for the written exam, I wanted to work on it some before the written exam and then do skills.

Soldier Girl and I had started menstruating the night before, so we were both eating Advil and Cokes. I least I hadn't vomited. And can I just say that I don't need my cycle moving around to adjust to my classmates just because I spend twenty hours a week with them; that's just nuts.

Radical Midwife showed up late and freaking out after about two hours sleep. Giggly Clips, Glitter Clips, and Shy Hoverer didn't come in until noon. Ally McDreamy said, "Have you guys taken your written yet? YOU HAVEN'T? Oh, you guys are killing me! Where were you three? And how come it's always you three?"

I feel him. They're the types that go to the bathroom together to talk in hushed whispers, and sometimes they don't even pee. OMG, stuff that crush on whoever it is and move the hell out of the way.

I took the written--it wasn't too bad, but they definitely give you more than one correct answer--you have to pick the most correct one. Afterward, I practiced skills with Soldier Girl. "Can I check your BP?" she asked. She'll be good when she's out there, I think.
"Yeah, but...you don't have any cooties, right?" (Note to y'all--if you are with a health-care provider and they make a move to touch you without gloves, you just remind them. Don't be shy and no need to be rude. Just let 'em know.)

Finally, at about 1:30, Soldier Girl and I went in the bay for Skills Test. I was a bit nervous, because my proctor, Young Vet, is like a little hyperactive squirrel. He scared the hell out of me after I gave oxygen to the patient (pt) by saying, "All right, he's dead, so stop wasting my oxygen." I didn't know if he was saying I'd taken too long or if he was banishing me from his sight. It took a moment to realize he was just asking me to demonstrate the proper way of disassembling the regulator from the tank. I didn't miss anything... I nailed Soldier Girl's BP at 90/68. So...

I'm trained to take pulse, respiration rate, and BP. I'm certified to drop an oropharyngeal airway adjunct which looks like a big plastic hook. It's designed to hold the tongue of an unconscious patient out of the airway. The only problem is, sometimes the gag reflex is still intact, in which case pt spews. Then you get to suction. I can do that. Or like if there's blood in the windpipe--suction. It's like a little Dirt Devil, wet-vac for throats and you just scho-o-o-u-u-weet, suck that stuff right out. Or maybe we like a nasopharyngeal better--a nose tube. You can use 'em on conscious patients. I've had one before, and they totally suck. Up the nostril and down the throat. Maybe you make 'em suck water out of  straw at the same time to help it go down. Probably gotta break out the lube for one of those babies. Did you know most people have one nostril that is larger than the other? Usually the right one. Finally, let's say I get one of those airway adjuncts in--I'm authorized to open a tank of oxygen, attach a regulator, and hook it up to a bag-valve mask, nasal canula, or nonrebreather mask and apply it to our hypoxic or cyanotic pt. The nonrebreathers are rated for 100% oxygen which must be a very nice high. Plus, they will not bruise in the same way as having someone mash a bag-valve mask into your face. It is the delivery method of choice. Anyway, I can do all that shit.

Soldier Girl forgot her gloves during O2 administration. She'll never do it again, because she was mortified. (They give you three chances, so, it wasn't that big a deal.) Perennially Texting Guy failed his BP, so he'll have to make it up next week. Everybody else seemed to do well.

Went home early. Slept for a full eight hours, which was just...a good-sized dent in the debt.

I miss friends and lovers. I know it's temporary, but I get to have that feeling too.
I think of everyone I'm doing this for, and touch my hand to my chest for all whom I miss. My pledge of allegiance.

"When I lay down my head at the end of my day, nothing would please me better than I find that you're there."--Sinead

Went to the grocery store today. Standing in the liquor aisle "Nothing Compares 2 U" comes on. Why do they play these songs in the store? It's always "Under the Bridge" or "Holding Back the Years" or some shit designed to get to you (and get you good and depressed so you buy some shit). Me? I pretended to be trying to decide between sour mash and Irish whiskey and scratching my nose a lot with my sleeve. All my kerchiefs need laundering. Now my shirt does too.

Next week: Medical Calls.