"Warring Ideals in One Dark Body"

"We're not sending you into a call under a hail of bullets. Though it does happen."

We got our test scores back. The highest score was an 87. I got an 85. Fifth in the class. This is not bad at all.
Ally McD and Sarge were very pleased with the class. Usually half fail the first test and have to retake. There are only a few in that boat this time.

Sarge grumbled a bit, "I want to break you guys out of this obsession with body armor." Yeah, well. That's what it says in the book. I didn't write anything about body armor, but it did stand out in the reading.

We know there's a difference between static and dynamic. But we may not always know in what instance we are looking at something in the book that isn't that way in the real world. Sometimes they tell us. But not always.

Now it's time to get really serious. The next three modules are Medical, Trauma, and Special Circumstances (emergency childbirth and other exceptional instances). The second module generally wipes out half the class. The third clips another third.

Universe, I'm feeling quite challenged enough at this time, thank you. Writing it here may or may not do any good, but I'm gonna put it out there anyway. I was struggling to keep up before. I don't know how to study for this. Time is an issue. Also, we don't get many scenarios. Generally something is explained once, maybe twice and probably out of order for how we will perform it. Then we get slammed into a scenario. I can write about it here because I can glance over at my notes, but we aren't allowed notes when messing around with gurneys and equipment bags.

I'm quite a tactile learner. I need more practice running calls. I'm going to try to see if ...I don't know. Try to see what can be done I guess. I might bug y'all to play sick while I bumble through my assessment. Anyone wanna play paramedic with me? (In all our spare time, of course). Because having them explain it to me just isn't working. I understand why it's important to have us figure things out on our own (our instructors won't always be there to tell us what to do), but I don't know. I feel much more frustrated than I expected to. Maybe it's just everything else going on right now. I don't know what to do about anything. I just keep trying to get out of bed every morning. Usually, I'd go running and feel better. Not so much right now. My toe is about as swollen as it ever was. The pain is somewhat better. They said if it hurt for longer than a week and a half it was in fact probably broken. It's been about two weeks. It's been 20 days of no smoking though. I guess that's good.

I long for quiet spaces, strong arms, and not so many words.

I am a lucky critter, and I'm grateful for whatever kindnesses grace me this day.

I am open to observation/suggestion. I don't know how to do what is before me. Finding roommates, finishing this course, helping others, working well, keeping cool, healing the toe, getting needs met, producing things of substance and quality, time management, discipline, projecting confidence (because when your guard is down people fuck with you).

I think I should sleep now. I'm gonna go get a TB test in a little bit.